The End is Near! I Hope There Really is an Afterlife

Friday is the final day of my RELS1 class.
In my head I am saying Wait! There's more! I got this!
But now I know where to look when I want to know more—thanks to that wily instructor, the list of books I want has grown exponentially with each assignment.

I feel like I have been to a giant party and met a whole lot of people who I never knew existed.
Each of them has invited me to their house, but all on the same day! This semester went so fast I did not have time to assimilate all the new information.

In the mean time, I realize I may have learned more than I thought.
for instance:

• Women in religious studies often have biblical names; Mary, Sarah, etc., (I don't know how Hillary got in, but it may be a fluke)

• Sometimes those women marry dudes who look like Jesus and they name their children Faith—I love that!

• Frequently women who Defy this male dominated subject have last names that begin with D; Doniger, Daly, Douglas. 

• There is no Emily Durkeim, it's Emile Durkhiem and I did not invent the term collective consciousness

• Max Weber sounds a lot like that guy I was trying to look up on our first day of class: http://leakelley.blogspot.com/2014/09/introduction-to-religious-studies.html

• Religion is a subject that anthropologists, sociologists, psychologists, and philosophers need to participate in to find their way through the maze of Humanity but many of them never find Religion.

• If a mushroom turns blue when you touch it, a Jaguar may have left it for you.

• Sufis are just as good at poetry as they are at dancing in the halls of a Grateful Dead concert. They study Whirling, Writing, and Rythmatic in Sufi School

• The Dao is not dependent on the stock market but when it rises it does make a sound, "Chi Ching"

• A person can be born more than once, but the second time the Father gives birth

* My irreverent tone should in no way reflect my absolute appreciation for the genuine knowledge and scholarly information I have recently acquired through my introduction to religious studies. It's just that sometimes I learn by associating absurd puns with new information.

I have referred to the wily instructor, which may sound like she represents Coyote Medicine (according to Native American lore) in which the trickster learns and teaches—and I did get kinda cleverly tricked into learning a lot. But, I also think there is Hawk Medicine involved here and I am thankful for the Messenger.

The Messenger

The Precipice of The Abyss

Today I feel I may be teetering on the precipice of actually integrating the myriad of theories and concepts that I have learned, or clinging to the edge while gazing into Nietzsche's Abyss.

While I am in no danger of becoming a monster or an nihilistic priest of any kind, I can sense the abyss staring back into me, wondering why I have not finished my final essay. 

In re-organizing the essay, I have wrestled with defining spiritual responsibility. The irony of this, in the face of my falling a bit behind in my RELS1 class, did not escape me.

This is the part where I must compartmentalize. 

There are so many things I want to know and so many options on the offering plate that I find it difficult to focus.

This focal adjustment problem is exacerbated by some other factors which have nothing to do with religion but mainly juggling responsibilities beyond the spiritual realm.

Okay, I'm leaping from the edge and I'm goin' in! 

The Precipice by Lea Kelley

William James and Steve Winwood

William James spoke of "The higher mind of my mind" when he was trying to explain his relationship to It. 
He also said that he had a less frequent relationship with It as he grew older and, I am assuming, more healthy minded. James expressed a wistful nostalgia at his gradual distance from It.

I related to James' It as something I experience when I am painting.

Since my return to school to learn how to be more open minded (which I believe is a contributing factor to becoming healthy minded) I have not been painting.

This is partly due to time constraints and mostly due to using my mind in a way that is not conducive to meandering about in the abstract corridors of my synaptic pathways (daydreaming) which usually compels me to paint.

I miss It, too Mr. James.

But I hope I will find it again after this semester and that It will be an even more inspirational, higher love of my love to paint.

The Omni-Max (as in Weber) Theater

Sometimes RELS1 feels like a huge omni-max theater where a multitude of movies are playing simultaniously. I want to see all the movies, but I have to compartmentalize and move on because the theater closes in a few weeks.

I feel like each movie (theorist, scholar, psychologist, philosopher) is a rich source of information and intellectual adventure but I am only able to view them in breif clips and trailers before turning to the next movie.

There is definitely a plot line and plenty of protagonists and antagonists (and sometimes those characters are playing lead roles in one another's film debuts) but there never seems to be an intermission wherein I can put down my popcorn box and get up from my seat.

I am learning so much so fast that I am afraid I may not be able to retain the full impact of the director's (or in this case, the wily instructor's) artistic contribution to my personal culture.

I have developed an affinity toward some of the starring celebrities (such as William James, Wendy Doniger, and Freud and a palatable aversion to others, who I will not name because I am working on understanding them better before negating their method acting.

The good news is most of these movies are out on DVD so I can view each one individually at home when the theater closes.
The bad news is I will not be able bring my aging DVD player into a classroom where there is a qualified technician who can help me adjust it for better viewing.

Spoiler Alert!

• The Creature Consciousness is calling from inside the house.
• Nobody gets the girl.
• Everybody dies but we may see them again in the next movie if we behave and go to church.

Don't Burn That Bridge! My Dog Wants to Cross

I keep forgetting one of the most important words I have learned in Religious Studies.

While I am certain this word does not only apply to religious studies, but to almost anything that requires communication or learning, religious studies (and that wily instructor) introduced me to this beautiful word—and I really want to incorporate it into my vocabulary for future and present reference.
I think maybe I ought to write an essay on it, or create a collage around it or build a bridge across a misunderstanding with it.
I think I may keep forgetting it because I don't know how to use it in a sentence, therefore it eludes me when I attempt to evoke it.
I just caught myself talking to my dog in the kitchen while pouring myself a cup of coffee.

Me: You know why you and I get along so well, mon petite legume? Yeah, I do call her my little bean.

Dog: blank stare, one ear perked up, tilted head

Me: because we understand each other, I am the crazy lady who talks to my dog and you are the dog that thinks everything I say sounds like "I have a treat for you"

Dog: Eyes sparkle, both ears perk up, sits in obsequious manner

Me: No, I didn't mean that I have a treat for you, I was just using that to describe how we understand each other, understand?

Dog: Ears drop from perky to droopy, eyes dart to my coffee cup, confusion enters from dog stage left

Me: see, you and I, we have a HEURISTIC! And you know what that means? We can communicate, get stuff done together, find common meaning in abstract concepts with a little shortcut and a no nonsense comprehension of quick relate-ability! Like you know, when I pick up the ball and you immediately think I'm gonna throw it, and you get into that super cute I-get-to-run pose and...

Dog: standing at dog bowl with ball in her mouth,
"Lady, if you don't give me a treat this instant, I'm gonna dial your cell phone and call a "friend". You know what that means, Lady? Yeah, you can heuristic your way out of a psyche ward while the neighbor comes over and gives me all the treats I want. Oh, and by the way, Lady, that heuristic you're wearing? It makes your butt look huge. Just so we understand each other. Thanks for the nice talk."

I think my dog may be biased.

The Otto-matic Experience

Since I don't have much time to paint these days, I have to process all the many things I am learning as they seep into my environment from my brain in other creative ways.

The other day I was walking and pondering why I don't really have a "religion".
I don't even know if I want a religion but I definitely honor those who do.

I don't know if synchronicity counts as a religious experience, but it gives me a moment  of joy when it happens. And it happened on this walk.
I found this advertisement for an event. I snatched it from it's location (let's just call that cultural borrowing, not thievery) and brought it home to tuck neatly in my RELS1 folder.
This is it...

I am not Michel de Montaigne but..

I am working on an essay that has turned into an in-cohesive novel in my head.

I started at point A and have traveled from point Z to G to ... a whole lot of places I was not prepared to go.

Point A was William James walking into a funerary rite of Daoists. He drinks the tea, eats all five plates of fruit, and blows out the candles (lamps) so that the dead person can't find their way to immortality.

James explains to the curious attendees that although what they believed is true for them, it is not true for him (even though it is true because they believed it is true) so he felt compelled to blow out the light because... well it was interfering with his useful and pragmatic stream of consciousness.

So, I went from this imaginary place to a whole lot of Gifford lectures on natural theology wherein I was sitting in an uncomfortable chair somewhere in Scotland.
I could not study the chair as the object that it was, but I knew in my heart there was value to the chair and there must be a reason it was so uncomfortable.

Then I went back to the Daoists, disturbing the Qi (energy) among them to see if maybe that chair was in a bad feng shui position in the universe. That would explain, I thought, why it was so uncomfortable.

Well, the Daoists were busy meditating and I could not catch my breath to ask them this very important question about the placement of that uncomfortable chair.

So, I went back to the University of Edinburgh and Carl Jung was ushering me to my seat (yeah, the same uncomfortable chair) when I realized I needed to really focus on my point before atheism entered the picture and started effecting my liver.

Yeah, that's the winding road of my essay.
Me and Montaigne, we're like that!

Braino for the Clogged Brain

While some of the readings in my Religious Studies class had my brain clogged with unfamiliar lexicons and philosophical banters in a myriad of loquacious meanderings around a point that was not poignant, I am finally finding some relief.

Much like the previous run-on sentence, my brain has clicked into a flow of consciousness that incorporates a modicum of tangible processing and a deeper understanding of the questions wherein.

I'd like to attribute that to the Freud reading but I don't think Freud is the culprit.

I blame the wily instructor and the continuous offerings of sacred fruit as nourishment to my starved brain. I particularly enjoy the fresh fruit. The old fruit started out as grapes but now, these grapes have become raisins—Otto, Hume, Smith (J.Z., not Husten, I love that guy, he's still a grape), Tylor, he’s functional as a grape but his fruit is sooo primitive.

While the raisins loosened everything up, the fresh grapes are really getting things moving in this near-grape brain of mine!

My new favorite fruits;

• Immanuel Kant—this guy is old enough to be a raisin, but sheesh, he’s phenomenal!
• Freud—old too, but still as fresh as an unripe banana, preserved by his own Victorian father.
• Wendy Doniger—Now that gal is sexy! She may not be a strict vegetarian and she sure can piss off a cow, but I like her sense of exploration and I am now creating a myth around her existence.
• Weber—Meh, he’s okay in an economic pinch, but I’m a little disenchanted with him.

Still life Painting Fruit (’The Autumn Gift’) was painted by George Lance in 1834.

What is Religion? What is God? Who are the Followers?

http://artbyleakelley.wordpress.com/2011/06/11/followers/

My smart group member, Olivia, requested a definition of Religion from the other group members.
This is really stretching it for me. I started out with all those philosopher definitions that we have been reading about, but that's not working for me.
So here's what I'm working on—hopefully I can narrow it down...

God.
A collective agreement.
An existential personification created by the need to perceive beyond the knowable.
A motivation to aspire from the mundane existence of the organism.
God.
Love.
God.
Terror.
God.
The evolution of cells, incorporating consciousness through tangible experience.
Subjective, metaphoric, and sometimes physical interpretation of neurological stimuli.
God.
The top of Mazlow’s pyramid.
The ultimate revelation.
Ecstasy.
Intermittent comprehension outside the limits of the corporeal.
God.
The most remote dimension of Flatland.
Kether.
YHVH
Elohim.
Jehovah.
Allah.
Zeus.
The Nameless One.
One.
A conspiracy of manipulation to modulate behavior of the masses.
Control of primal instincts through adherence to civilized laws and puritanical concepts. 
The funneling of deemed inadequacies into marketable forgiveness.
The simultaneous creation and alleviation of shame.
The annihilation of spirit.
God.
A mystery.
A legend.
A myth.
The truest story ever told.
The most insidious of deceits.
The most profound recognition.
Source of life.
Denial of death.
Authenticity.
Love.
The secret of the great void.
The artist’s hand.
Sherpa to the Universe.
Oracle of truth.
Every molecule in existence.

Group Think

I was born in the fifties.
Maybe that contributes to my need for defined structures and social order—or what I deem to be social "order".
I am being confronted with some of my obsolete ways of thinking in my religious studies class and it's a little uncomfortable but very exciting.
My group (Knosis) finally seems to be structured in a way in which I can interact, but my previous notions of what I need in a group interaction is creaking like a door in a haunted house.
The Group:

• Olivia: She is the Knower of Things. I absolutely respect this young woman's ability to retain and draw upon information at lightning speed but I can get lost on her road to comprehension and respond defensively when I can't follow. I really need to trust that she will come back from Deuteronomy to Taoism  and meet me—or maybe I need to let go of the need to be met in the middle and just listen and learn from her 

• Ken: He is "The Speaker of Things. Ken is very articulate man who is a good candidate for commercial voiceover work. He is supportive to the group in reiterating a point in an eloquent manner.

• Heather: She is The Seeker of Things. She expresses a genuine interest in learning, not only about why a grandfather may not eat meat on Fridays, but about the subject matter and the perspective of others.

• Phouthavady: She is The Watcher of Things. She quietly observes and then surprises a person with a verbal to-the-point punctuation of the interaction

• Kim: She is The Juggler of Things. Kim may present at times as overwhelmed by maneuvering through the information while maintaining many other factors in her life, but she has a razor sharp insight that is a delight to hear.

Then there's me. 

Here I am trying to be The Learner of Things.

Well, the first thing I am learning is there are many ways to learn things.

I am accustomed to figuring things out and assimilating information in an solitary manner where I have control over the information and method of assimilation.

Group Think is new to me. I am learning to learn in a social manner that I don't need to control anything to learn something. 

And I think there may be a wily plan to demonstrate that learning does not need to be broken down into categories once one grasps the big picture, but I still needed to break the group into segments before I become one with them in a unified view of religious studies.

The painting below is titled The Thirteenth Observer 

The capacity to observe life and Humanity, objectively, from a perspective outside the Self or one’s participation in environment and tribe is truly a challenge.Some believe it is impossible because we are subjective beings.Some believe we are limited to our physical experience in our observations and therefore can never truly experience objective truth about our existence.Perhaps consciousness consists of etheric optic nerves which are invisible to us through our limited vision.Perhaps these nerves are extending outward in each of us, reaching toward one another to create a unified view while the larger part of ourselves oversees the process?

The AHA! Moment; Hume is the Root Origin of Humor

This morning I had a tiny AHA! moment—not quite a religious experience, but at least a lower case aha.
Yesterday I spoke with our wily instructor about how overwhelmed I felt at not really "getting the point" and how I was feeling a little fractured and disjointed about the religious studies structure.

She told me more about Hume as a person after I queried about his actual convictions, which I could not glean from his writings. He seemed to negate every religion and ism equally without ever telling us what he thought was a good thing.

Well, after understanding that Hume was quite the "character" on the Broadway of Religious Studies, I had a domino-effect realization (You know, where one thought topples another until you have a patterned row).

I will not speak of all the individual thoughts but the final row of dominoes looks something like this;

• I now associate the name, Hume with Hume-or and Hume-anity.
• Studying religion is a lot like abstract painting
• There is no structure, we bring structure to it—Joseph Campbell said "There is no meaning, we bring meaning to it" 
• Authors like Hume, Gill, Smith, and even Rodriguez get paid per word so that is probably why they use so many
• I will probably never be an academic writer (but we'll see after I take English 1A)
• I want to research a religion that is funny and does not take itself so seriously
• I am a bit intimidated by scholars
• Philosophers and Scholars also must appease their own Medici patrons
• Some of my dominoes are buried under other dominoes

The "Ism" of it All

I am completely overwhelmed in my studies regarding my study of religion.
Tonight my attempt at interacting with my group was a total bust. My first attempt to connect with Knosis (my group) was basically talking with one member while we waited for the other members to respond to my invitation to Google chat, which we agreed would be at 6 pm. After 30 minutes of a 2 person dialogue considering the definition of religion, Phouthadavy and I wondered how we could contact the others to participate and sent an email to the instructor for phone numbers.

After some frozen computer moments and a consideration that we may not hear from the other members of the group, we decided to meet for coffee tomorrow at 1pm for a continuation.

I went to the patio to work on my printouts for the summary which is due a 12:59am —yeah that means tonight, right?
Well, I came back to my computer after 7pm to check on something and discovered 2 other members on line for the group. I called Phouthadavy and said "Hey, Olivia and Kim made it! Oh wait, they are having technical difficulty and some personal stuff going on while I'm here waiving at a child. Maybe we can all meet tomorrow after all."
Yada Yada... We're meeting tomorrow for coffee.

I'm a little bit lost after rereading the chapter and other supplemental readings and I feel a bit fractured in my learning process. I'm still not quite sure what is expected to succeed at this class but there are a lot of things I want to learn within it

Now back to the summary due at 12:59.
It's loaded with "isms".
.
I'm loaded with some isms as well;

• Absolutism in which I am the single absolute ruler of my own schedule and not dependent on others
• Animism, in which my computer has a soul and is probably going to Hell
• Resistentialism in which my sofa is demonstrating malice toward me for not relaxing
• Self-determinism in which I will decide to learn about this subject with or without the intervention of Malism

The Right Answer

I get a little anxious about being tested on what I may or may not know.
Last night I took the first quiz for Introduction to the Study of Religion after putting it off all day.
Yup, I waited until I was tired to exacerbate my anxiety.
I took the quiz more than once, aghast that the first attempt did not elevate my self esteem to genius status.

I did do the reading, I should have been able to zip through it providing evidence of such but, sadly, no, I did not.
My head was still full of Sociology reading, History reading, and a video that made me cry in my Sociology class.
Also, there was a trick involved in the quiz; more than one answer to a question.
I did not see an "all of the above" answer so I checked the one I thought was most relevant.
Oops!

What I learned on my Thursday vacation in Religious Studies:

• I am not as smart at night as I am in the morning
• Being tested makes me anxious
• Sometimes I forget what I thought I knew
• You can check more than one box in life
• My head has a limited capacity to hold on to previous information when there is a constant stream of new information

Sunday In Religious Studies, Not Church

 Sunday is not a typical school day but I went to school in my slippers today because I got an email notifying me that Olivia made an announcement on Canvas, which is THE facilitator of student and instructor communications. I like the Canvas site and I'm learning more about using it every time I visit. I even uploaded a picture today!
Olivia seems to be a great student facilitator of communications in our group, Knosis.
I think I will also like Olivia.
I have been reading the introduction assignment from Introduction to THE STUDY OF RELIGION.
I'm a little fuzzy on what the word religion means and this reading did not provide me with the clarification to define that yet, but I learned a few other things—as you will note in my bullet points below.
I did take special note of the sentence, "Religion is always expressed in action, and among the kinds of actions encountered within religious traditions one frequently finds rituals." and I had to look up a word, semiotics in the next paragraph after I read that sentence.
I like rituals and I like symbols but most of the ones I am attached to have nothing to do with deciphering the definition of religion.
I did not overlook the Oxford English Dictionary (1971) definition of religion, tucked neatly on page 4 of the assignment but I still cannot find a tangible definition of what exactly I am in the process of studying. How does one study a "faith" or a "reverence" or a "divine" something or a "worship" of a divine something?
Okay, so I get the part about how one can observe the evidence of religion through actions of others (you know, rituals and such) but I am still trying to grasp how I will be able to actually "see" the subject I purport to study. This is definitely not like studying something under a microscope.
Oh, wait! Maybe it's like studying something under a macroscope! Yeah, that's probably it. I need to zoom way out here.  I have to get some better tools to practice Religionswissenschaft. 

What I learned on my Sunday Vacation in Religious Studies:

• I wish I could speak German
• The dictionary is my friend (even if it did not show me a picture of religion)
• Ambrose Bierce wrote The Devil's Dictionary but not the Oxford English Dictionary
• Theologians supposedly study the nature of God so they probably have better eyeglasses
• A religious studies scholar has a lot in common with a good actor
• You can can upload a picture to Canvas—watch!

Introduction to Religious Studies

Today I was introduced to Religious Studies.
Please note that I was inducted into a specific religion once many years ago and this was nothing like that at all—this was far more fun.

The painting below is titled Out of the Dark. It is a visual representation of what I experienced from 9 am this morning until 1 pm this afternoon during said introduction to Religious Studies.

I felt an ascension from my preconceived dark notions about what I believed to be "Religion" into a cloudy potential of new ideas and exciting opportunities to restructure my thinking methods.

Out of the Dark

Today Sam Gill and I have a lot in common. 

His attempt to define a structure for the study of religion in his article The Academic Study of Religion is much like my attempt to create rules for my own apotropaic tendencies and magical thinking to ward off religion and it's followers. 

By the way, that word, apotropaic, yeah, well I just learned that today when the wiley instructor tossed it out there like a shiny bone for me to run home and chew on (meaning that I had to look it up).

I am not an academic like Sam Gill but I do understand the need for structure. I, too, want to design an outline that may help me communicate about abstractions more effectively.

What I learned today is that I am not the only person throughout history attempting to create tangibilities out of subjective intangibilities and metaphors. Poor Sam Gill. He had an academic audience for an irrational concept. 

But the exciting part is, like the above painting; the abstract nature of it all. 

I am excited to explore this class, the characters, and the new approach to defining things differently—with a structure. 

What I learned on my Friday Vacation in Religious Studies:

• Apotropaic tendencies can be magical.
• Sam Gill lived in a time when being wishy-washy and apologetic was a source of academic survival
• I have ideas about religion that may need revision
• There's a dude in my class that went to Bali
• Richard Dawkins may think a bit like Nietzsche in regard to the life of God
• J.Z. Smith is not the creator of religion
• My dictionary does not have the word, Primatism in it
• There's a woman named Emily Durkheim
• You cannot find Jonic Velibor by Googling "Vabor" because that's what you thought the instructor said after she said Freud
• Greco Roman concepts and monotheism may piss me off, but I am totally into this class